goodbye my hopeless dream
by annieeriveraa
Summary: when Santana gets pregnant, will her secret relationship with Rachel last? Or will it get blown away with the rest of her life
1. The Unexpected

I squeezed my eyes tight, pulling my knees up to my chest. This was the only time I could cry, at home, in my room, alone. The lights were out; the only source of light was coming from my TV which I had muted. The only sound that could be heard was the sniffles from my crying. All I could think about was her. I should be thinking about my parents, what they were going to say to me. But no, I was thinking about her face, how it felt when her lips touched mine. I tried to imagine what she would say when she found out, but it just made me more upset.

The sound of my laptop beeping broke my thoughts away. It was a message. From Rachel. She wanted to know why I hadn't met up with her tonight. Why I was ignoring her messages. Just as I was about to reply, there was another beep. This one was from him.

I slammed my laptop shut; I couldn't talk to either of them, no not until I decided what to do. I would go to school tomorrow like everything was normal. I would tell her that I was grounded, and my laptop and my phone has been taken from me. Yes that's what I would do. That could buy me a little time to think things through. But then, there was still school, still those awful quiet moments in class when she flirted with me. Maybe I should tell her the truth; she knows I'm dating Noah anyway. Would she find it so repulsing that I'd slept with him, that's what couples do after all.

What am I even saying! She knows I don't like Puck like that! She'll probably think I'm a tramp from sleeping with him. No. Not a tramp. She loves me too much to call me that. Or does she? Will she be so disappointed in me that she could say that to me?

Eurghh I'll sort this out tomorrow.

And with that, I switched of the TV, and climbed in under my quilt. Tomorrow was going to be an eventful day.

…..

I woke up early as I do every morning. I had to make sure I look just as I do every other morning. I have to act like nothing has changed since yesterday. I have to look perfect.

I grab my cheerleading uniform out of my wardrobe and slip it over my skinny body. It won't stay skinny for long, I thought. Next it was makeup. I slapped on my foundation and made sure it was blended perfectly. I put my favourite Mac eye shadow on my eyelids, and lined them with liquid liner. I applied false eyelashes and couple of coats of mascara. There perfect. Now for my hair. I tied it up in its usually high pony and then straightened my fringe.

I looked at myself in the mirror when I was done. I thought I looked different, but of course, I look exactly the same. Nothing on the outside has changed, but yet I feel like a completely different person. Sighing, I grabbed my bag, and headed downstairs.

"Morning Mom" I yelled as I was walking down the stairs.

"Here take a granola bar before you leave." My mom said before I could walk out the door.

"Thank you" I muttered, shoving it into my bag. "I'll see you later" I called as I walked away.

It's not far from my house to school, and Rachel usually gives me a lift. I don't know if she will today though, after I abandon her last night. I suppose I should text her. When I grab my phone out of my bag, I have 5 unread messages. I open the latest one that reads:

'Don't know what I did wrong?! I'll wait for you at Lima Bean until 9:30, and then I'm leaving'

I looked at the time on my phone. 9:15. Shit, I only had 15 minutes to get there. It was about a 5 minute drive from her but my car had no gas, I'd have to walk. I shoved my phone in my bag and sprinted down the street, only stopping occasionally to catch my breath.

When I got there it was 9:35. I hoped she hadn't gone. No I could see her car. I opened the door and scanned around for her. There she was, in our usual seat. Tucked away in the corner, so we could talk without being overheard.

"Hi…" I said awkwardly. She looked up from the newspaper she was reading. Looking shocked.

"I didn't think you were going to turn up, you didn't last night" She said accusingly.

"I know, I'm sorry about that" I took my seat opposite her "I had a lot on my plate last night"

I knew her well enough that she wasn't going to stop there. "So what was the matter was it so important that you couldn't text, or call, or anything! I sent you load of messages! I was worried that something had happened to you!"

"I'm sorry Rach, I really am" a tear slid down my face, but I quickly wiped it away. I hoped she hadn't seen it, but of course she had, she notices everything.

"Hey... what's the matter" I never cry, not in front of anyone anyway. Rachel knew that which was probably the reason for the sudden mood change. "Don't cry, please, I'm not mad at you, look it's fine, we'll sort it, whatever it is I'm sure-"

I cut her off "That's the thing, we can't sort it and you should be mad at me" I grabbed my bag from of the floor stood up "Look, I can't do this right now, okay." She looked puzzled "I'm sorry…" I said as I was leaving.

I ran out before she could say anything else.


	2. The Reveal

_6 months previous._

_My heart was pounding so hard within my chest; I was surprised the whole school couldn't hear it. I looked down at the message one more time before closing it. I quickly looked to see if anyone had noticed me. No they were all too busy with there on lives._

_I slammed my locker shut and made my way to the girls changing rooms. It looked empty, so I sat down on the bench, waiting for her. Then I heard her voice from behind me. There she was, as beautiful as ever. _

"_Hi Santana" she said sweetly. I loved the way she said my name. _

_She made her way next to me, her hand on my leg. Before I knew what was happening, she kissed me. Just a peck, but enough to make me want more. I looked at her; my mind was flooding with questions. Before I could ask any of them though, she kissed me again. More this time, her hands on my neck. Now, I was kissing back just as fiercely. I could have kept going; I could have stayed with her all day, kissing her in the privacy of the locker room. The only thing that interrupted us was the bell ringing. _

_We jumped apart. I smiled softly. I hardly ever smile, always trying to keep up a tough act, so no one can see my true thoughts, my true feelings. If anyone ever found out about this…._

"_I have to go" I said quickly grabbing my bag and walking towards the door. "No one can know about this, okay!" I waited for her to nod before I left for class._

_All that week she was on my mind. I was worried she'd told someone at first, but of course, she had as much to lose as I did. But, her dads were gay, they'd accept this kind of thing, but my parents would be so disappointed in me. _

**Present Day**

When I got to school, I was only a little late. I took my seat in Spanish next to Noah as I usually do. 'Remember' I told myself 'Nothing has changed'

I tried to get on with my Spanish work but my mind was too busy thinking about other things. The pregnancy, Noah, my parents… Rachel. I don't know what she'll say to me when she next sees me. She knows something is the matter and she's not stupid, she'll find out one way or another. I look at the empty seat to the right of me. Where is she? She should be here by now. Rachel is hardly ever late, and even when she is, it's only a few minutes.

Just as we are packing away, the door creaks open. There she is. Her hair is all windswept, but she still manages to look effortlessly beautiful. She takes her seat next to me, which is pointless because the lesson has nearly finished. She doesn't say anything, in fact, she's not looking at me, just staring forward, Oh how I long to kiss her and make everything better. But I can't and I'm not sure if she'll ever forgive me.

"Babe… Babe…" Noah had called me 3 times until I got out of my daydream. "  
"Oh sorry" I said quickly. I stood up, grabbed my bag and held his hand with the other.

"You okay..." He asked "You seem very…. Out of it at the moment." Crap, looks like I'm not a very good actress at all.

"Yeah I'm fine" I tried to sound strong and reassuring, but my voice just sounded shaky. I could tell by his face he didn't believe me, and he wasn't going to move until I answered him. "Look not in here okay."

The teacher was still in the classroom and it was obvious he wanted us to leave. We went into the choir room standing on the other side of the door so we couldn't be seen. When we were in, he looked at me waiting for an answer. I wasn't sure what to tell him. I obviously couldn't tell him about Rachel, and he wasn't going to drop it if I didn't tell him anything.

"I'm pregnant" I blurted out. I couldn't believe I had done it. I didn't know why I had done it. I wasn't planning on telling anyone, not yet anyway. I could feel a tear rolling down my eye; Noah wiped it away before I could. He wrapped his arms around me, and I put my head on his shoulder.

Now wasn't the time to cry. I pulled out of the hug "Can we talk about this later?" he nodded, put his hand in mine and walked me to my English class.

"I'll see you at Lunch" He knows I have cheer practice at Lunch. I eyed him

"I can't I have cheerios" He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Well you can't still be a cheerleader, with a baby in your stomach." I shushed him.

"Shut up will you!" I can have people thinking things. I'm not quitting the cheerios, then people will know something is up" I wanted to say more but Mr Burns was ushering me into class. "I'll talk to you tonight, okay. I love you"

I said before walking to class. Looking straight at me was Rachel. I could tell by her face that she'd heard every word.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave reviews so I know if you want more….**

**I wanted to know if you thought I should just do this from Santana's** **point of view, or should I do some of Rachel's point of view. **

**And shall I do flashbacks like in this chapter, or just stick with present day. **

**Thanks!**

**Annie **


	3. The Secrets

Rachel's POV

I walked to English alone. As I looked behind me, I saw Santana walking with Puck. It broke my heart when I saw them together. I just wish I knew what was up with her…. I took my seat in English, waiting for her to arrive so I could talk to her again.

"Rachel" I looked up, it wasn't her; it was Mr Burns, the teacher. "Can you go and fetch the textbooks from the supply cupboard please."

I nodded, stood up and headed to the door. Standing outside the door, were Santana and Puck. Oh God.

"I can't, I have cheerios..." she said.

"Well you can't still be a cheerleader with a baby in your stomach" she shushed him before he could continue.

I didn't hear anything else; I was too shocked to listen. I didn't notice anything until she turned around. Her jaw dropped when she saw me standing right in front of her.

"The books Rachel?" I nodded again and quickly walked across to the supply cupboard.

I couldn't believe it! She had slept with him! She told me she didn't even love him. The thought of her sleeping with him just disgusted me. What was I going to do, when the girl I was utterly in love with, was having a baby.

When I got back into class, she was sitting at the back of the classroom with her head in her hands. I should go sit with her, put my hand on her shoulder and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I didn't want to do that, because it wasn't. I had waited for her; she told me she would end things with Puck. Well that plan obviously didn't work out for her did it! It's not like she could do a lot about it now she was pregnant with his baby!

Instead of sitting next to her, I sat next to Kurt at the front of the class. The lesson just seemed to drag on and on and on. I didn't really pay much attention to it though. The only thing that was on my mind was her.

_6 months previous (Rachel pov)_

_She ignored me whenever she saw me. Her barley even made eye contact with me. I couldn't help thinking that what I had done was wrong, and that she didn't have feelings for me. But, she kissed me back. These thoughts lingered in my mind until I could take it no longer. I just had to talk to her. _

_I sent her a text asking her to meet me at The Lima Bean after school. All she sent back was OK. I suppose it was better than no reply at all. _

_When the school day finally ended, I went to my car, only to find that standing outside it was Santana._

"_Hi" I said cautiously. She didn't say anything, but when I unlocked my car, she got in. She was silent for the whole car journey until we pulled up outside the Lima Bean._

"_You haven't told anyone about this have you?" She questioned. I shook my head. "Good"_

_She got out the car and I followed her. We ordered to iced lattes and took a seat far in the back corner._

"_Why did you kiss me" she blurted out before I could say anything._

"_I honestly don't know" I lied. Of course I knew why I kissed her. "But if I did know… would it matter anyway. You obviously aren't interested"_

"_Yes it would matter." She looked around to make sure no one was watching. "Look Rachel..." she was talking quieter now. "I think…. I think I might be… in love..." she stopped. I didn't know what to say. "In love with who? "Please say something."_

"_I don't know what to say" I told her honestly._

"_When you kissed me, it felt right, and I knew as soon as you texted me that day, that my feelings for you were stronger than I was letting anyone believe." I smiled at her and she smiled back._

"_So what does that mean for us?" I asked her. I was confused, but happy at the same time. _

"_I'm not ready for it yet though. I can't openly be in a relationship with a girl, I mean, think about what everyone in school would say" I turned my head away. She didn't want to be with me at all. "Look Rachel... I love you! It's been killing me ever since the day we kissed. No before that! But even more so after because I knew what your lips tasted like and it was all I could think about." She said all this in a voice just over a whisper. _

"_So what does this mean... for us?" I asked her. _

"_I'm not ready yet for an open relationship, but that doesn't mean I never will be" she looked around "I'm going to the bathroom." She smiled at me sexily and I knew she wanted me to come with._

_I grabbed my bag and followed her into the restroom. It was empty. I lifted her onto the counter and kissed her. Once we started, we didn't stop. I kept on kissing her until the door creaked open. At this point, her legs were wrapped around my waist. We quickly jumped apart._

_**Sorry for the weird chapter. Don't know if I like it, but wanted to get one up.**_

_**Probably won't be another post until Sunday/Monday depends when I have time. **_

_**Please leave reviews because I love reading them! Thanks for all the follows and favourites, it means a lot. **_

**Oh and I hope I am using the right words... Like I'm English, not American so I'm trying to remember to use (for example) Restrooms instead of toilet and Gas instead of petrol. I hope I'm getting everything right. Let me know if I'm not…. **

**Annie**


	4. The Breakup

**A/N: I don't know how to do Authors Notes properly so I just write in bold, is that right?**

**Anyway I'm so sorry I haven't done a chapter in weeks, I've been so busy! I'll try to write regularly from now on.**

_Santana's POV_

When the bell rang, Rachel rushed towards the door. I shoved my books in my bag and hurried after her.

"Rachel" I yelled before she could leave the building.

She turned around, but didn't say anything.

"Can we talk...?"

I looked around. Most people who had a free period now were making the way out for a long lunch. "I have a free period?"

She nodded "Fine"

We sat on the benches outside the cafeteria. We should be able to talk in private; most people go to the mall or to the Lima Bean during their free periods.

"How much did you hear?" I asked her, dreading the answer.

"Enough" was all she said.

"I'm so sorry Rach! I really am!" I tried to look her in the eyes, but she wasn't looking at me, she was staring at the seniors who had Gym.

"Then why did you do it" Before I could answer she continued. "You told me you didn't even love him! That you were only with him to hide that fact that you were gay"

"I am!" I cried! "I don't love him, okay I made a mistake"

"But, that's the thing! You're always making mistakes! Am I a mistake! Was it a mistake to date me in secret for the past 6 months?"

"No of course not"

"Then how long do I have to wait! 9 months? Then will you be with me! Oh no wait, after you've had the baby, Puck will want you to move in with him. So how long then? Until the end of school? After College? Santana I can't keep waiting for you!"

"You don't understand what I'm going through! If I come out, everything changes!"

"I don't understand? Uhmm, Santana were in the same situation. Were both closeted lesbians, just because I'm willing to come out for YOU doesn't mean that it's easier?" She was angry, I could tell.

"But Rachel, I am the most popular girl in the school, you're bullied anyway so even if you came out, it's not like you're loosing anything! I would lose everything, my family, my friends, and my reputation"

"You don't get it do you! You're stuck in your own little bubble where you think that YOU are the ONLY one who goes through stuff! A tear ran down her face. "I can't do this anymore San" her voice broke when she said my name. "No more sneaking around. This, us, it's over, were done" And with that, she picked up her bag, and left me there.

I put my head in my hands, and let the tears flow. But, no tears came; I was to numb to cry.

_Next Month_

_Santana's POV_

I was going for my first doctor's visit. I'd put it off for as long as possible, not wanting to admit that it was happening. But I had to know how far a long I was. Noah waited for me after cheerio practice, and we walked together to the doctor's office. I had to walk to school every day now me and Rachel had broken up. Noah wrecked his car by crashing it into a wall when he was drunk. My car still had no gas, as all my money was going to the 'baby fund'.

We took a seat in the waiting room, but it wasn't long until we were called in into the room. I took a seat on the bed and waited for the nurse to come in. Her name was Jackie.

"Hello Santana" She smiled "So how old are you sweetie"

"16" I smiled back.

"Okay, and..." she looked at my cheerio uniform "You're a cheerleader" I nodded "Well you may have to give that up soon, for the baby" she smiled at me. "Okay this might be a little cold." She put the gel on my stomach and pulled down the monitor.

I felt a tear well up in my eye. I didn't even bother to wipe it away. This was the first tear of happiness I'd cried in a long time. "How far along am I?"I asked her.

"Well judging by the size of the baby, I would say… 4 months. Which is worrying judging your size." She looked at my uniform again. "I would definitely consider quitting the cheerleading squad, and eat a bit more… If you're not big enough, the baby might not develop properly." I nodded. "Do you want to know the gender?" I nodded again, smiling this time. "You are having….. a girl"

I smiled.

"Darn it" said Noah "I wanted a little Puckasouras" I slapped him jokingly and laughed. This is the first time I had been genuinely happy in weeks


	5. The Decision

_**6 months previously**_

"_You look smokin' Santana" someone said from behind me. I turned around, it was Puck._

"_Thank you" I smiled, then turned back to talk to Quinn and Britney._

_He grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him. "How would you feel about going to breadsticks with me tonight?"_

_I laughed "Puck, I know how you treat the other girls in the school. So thanks but I'm not interested."_

_I turned around again and walked away from him. _

"_You must be mad! Puck's like the hottest guy in the school" exclaimed Quinn. She shook her head laughing. "I'd so do that if I had the chance!"_

"_Plus he's great in bed" Brittany said casually. _

_I slapped her "You didn't" she nodded at me and I burst out laughing. I looked up as we approached my locker. Rachel walked over. Oh no!_

"_Hi Santana" she smiled at me. _

_What was she doing "What do you want hobbit?!" Quinn and Brittany laughed. _

"_I… um…." She looked confused, looking from Quinn, to Brittany to me. "I..."_

_I rolled my eyes. "Look I have things to do, stop wasting my time." I closed my locker and walked away, leaving Rachel standing there confused. I felt bad, but what was she doing talking to me during school, with people around, what did she expect me to do. I took out my phone._

"_Who are you texting" asked Quinn._

"_Puck..." I lied. "I'm gonna tell I'll go tonight" _

_Instead of texting Puck, I texted Rachel_

_**To: Rachel**_

_**Look, I'm sorry but what did you expect me to do. I'll talk to you later. 3 love you xxxx**_

_Then I realised that I'd have to arrange to meet up with Puck because Quinn and Brittany would only talk about it to everyone until I gave them the gossip tomorrow. I sighed and texted him._

_**To: Puck**_

_**Sure, I'll go to breadsticks with you. 9:00. See you then xx**_

"_So give us the gossip" asked Quinn the next day_

"_Um, it went okay. I had a nice time" I tried to keep it brief but they wanted details._

"_Is that all we get" groaned Quinn "Are you going to be a couple" _

"_He asked me to but I said I wasn't interested in a relationship right now."_

_They both gaped at me.  
"Are you a lesbian or something" I looked shocked but then they started laughing. "Pucks super-hot and you said you weren't interested. Honestly" She rolled her eyes at me. _

_I tried to laugh along, but quickly changed the subject. _

Rachel's POV

"Hey Rachel" I looked up from my music sheets. "What you doing?"

It was Finn. "Hey not a lot, just practicing my song for glee club this week"

We started talking. It felt good to talk to someone after so long of being by myself. I didn't particularly have many friends, only the members of glee, but they sometimes found my ambitious nature annoying. I could understand why, I wanted to be a star so much, too much sometimes. I want everything too much.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a meal or something, maybe catch a movie or something." He looked nervous. "But if you don't want to that's fine, I mean..."

I stopped him, laughing "Sure, I'd like that.

The bell rang.

"Oh, I should get to class, but" he wrote something on my music sheets "That's my number, text me later yeh"

Santana's POV {Next week}

Today was the day I was planning on quitting the cheerios. I still hadn't decided what I was going to say but if I didn't quit now, I'd probably get kicked off as I was rapidly gaining weight. My parents were starting to get suspicious too. Usually, I ate nothing for breakfast, had my protein shake for lunch, and had some sort of salad for dinner. But now, after hearing I was 4 months pregnant, I knew I did need to start eating properly.

I didn't get into my cheerleading uniform today, just a big comfy sweater and skinny jeans. It was difficult to do the button up on my jeans so I knew I'd have to go maternity clothes shopping soon. My mom asked loads of questions when I came down for breakfast. I lied and told her that cheerleading was too much now I was in glee. I can tell she doesn't quite believe me, but I'll tell her the truth soon enough. It's much easier to tell her that I'm pregnant rather than, I'm gay.

I walked to school as per usual now that I and Rachel weren't talking. We hadn't spoken in just over a month. It killed me. I had broken her heart. She was right, she deserved better than me. We were in completely different worlds.

When I got to school, it felt like everyone was staring. In my hands, I was carrying my cheerleading uniform box, neatly folded up in the box that I was given when I joined as a freshman. Sue walked down the hallway and looked shocked to see me with it.

"Santana..?" She looked at me questioningly "Why are you not wearing your uniform."

"Because I quit" I said simply. Everyone was staring. "Can we do this in your office please?"

She turned around and walked down the hallway to her office. She sat down in her chair and nodded for me to take the seat opposite her.

"Why?" She asked.

This I hadn't planned. I thought she would just take the uniform and let me leave.

"I'm tired of all the pressure that I'm under" It was sort of true I suppose.

"Santana, you're my star. Who's going to be my head cheerleader now?" she sighed. She was really annoyed and I know what she's like when she's annoyed. "Just get out of my office, now!"

I put the uniform on her desk and quickly left before she asked me more questions. Puck was waiting for me outside.

"Hey, did you do it?" He asked.

"Yeah." I looked up at him smiling. Behind him I saw Rachel, laughing. I wanted to cry. Then he moved out the way to stand by my side and I saw who she was with. Finn Hudson!

It's okay, I told myself. There just friends. But then he reached for her hand and they walked past me. Rachel met my eyes, she looked hurt, disappointed, but then she looked away. Just like that. I couldn't believe it. Rachel Berry had a boyfriend. She was cheeky enough to say I wasn't being true to who I was, and that I shouldn't be hiding who I was. What a hypocrite!

Quinn and Brittany came running over to me.

"Santana, what happened?" asked Quinn, "Why did you quit the cheerios?"

"I... um" I couldn't think of anything to say. I looked around to make sure no one could see or hear. "I'm pregnant" I smiled at them.

The gaped at me!

"Oh My God" They said at the same time.

"What are you going to do with it" asked Brittany.

"I..." I looked up at Noah "I dunno we haven't really talked about-"

"We're gonna keep it" Interrupted Noah.

"But don't tell anyone. If anyone finds out were done for" They both nod. "Catch you later"

We walked away.

"So…." I asked Puck once we were in our first lesson "Were keeping the baby?"

"Well…. I don't like the idea of my baby girl growing up without a dad, without her family. I mean… My dad was a complete ass who was never around. I don't want her life to be like that."

I smiled. Maybe I had been wrong about Puck. Maybe he would be a good Dad after all.

**A/N: I want to thank HIsland429 for the idea to have Rachel date someone else to make Santana jealous. **

**More on that to come, in the next chapter.**

**Please leave reviews as I love to hear what you're thinking and I try to respond back to all of the reviews!**


	6. The Change

**Yeh I know that I am a total fail when it comes to making sure I upload chapters. Oh well, I only have two weeks of school left so after that I should have plenty of time.**

_Rachel's POV_

The date with Finn went good. It just felt nice to be with someone after I had been alone for so long. It made me realise how much I have been missing while I was sneaking around with Santana. But something still feels missing, I don't feel like I love Finn, not like I did with her.

I try to push the thought of her to the back of my mind. We had both moved on now, for the better. We hadn't spoken in months. On the surface, it looks like she is still the same girl she was before she got pregnant. But for someone like me, someone who knows the truth, you can't help but notice little changes all the time. For example, her cheerleading uniform got slightly tighter ever week and she would snap at the slightest things.

Maybe I hadn't done as good of a job of forgetting her as I had thought. But, maybe I didn't want to forget her just yet. We broke apart so abruptly. I missed the sound of her laugh, when she rolled her eyes at peoples ridiculous comments, the way her cheeks blushed if she embarrassed. Every time I saw her I thought of something different.

_Santana's POV_

I was sitting in the packman's house like I do most Saturday mornings. He lives fairly near to me, and his mom was fine about me being pregnant. Puck had told her after I had told him, actually that's a lie, she guessed. He suddenly came home, started working more and wasn't buying anything. I suppose it was just a little bit obvious.

Gina was also a teen mom, having Puck when she was only 17. She managed to get on okay.

I did need to tell my parents though, but I was just so terrified that they would be mad at me. I couldn't deal with that. My parents are the one thing that I didn't want to lose because of this baby. I was already going to lose my body, my popularity and probably my education as there is no way we would be able to afford a babysitter to look after the baby when she was born. My parents both work full time as do Pucks as his mom is a single parent.

Today we had decided to go shopping for baby clothes. We had decided that we were going to keep the baby. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, I wanted to of course, but I didn't want to be one of those teen moms that drop out of school and end up staying in town looking after a baby while the husband is never at home. My parents had provided a good life for me and I was determined

To do the same for my daughter.

I also needed some maternity clothes as I was starting to gain weight rapidly. I didn't see the point in hiding it any more. Having already told Quinn and Britney, I doubted that it would stay a secret for very long. Both of them were some of the biggest gossips in the song. I bet that when I turn up to school on Monday most of the school will already know which is why I need to tell my parents before they find out from somebody else.

_**That evening**_

"Are you ready to tell my parents I'm with child" I asked Puck casually.

He looked surprised, we had talked about telling the of course, but I don't think he expected me to actually go through with it.

"You sure?" He asked me.

I nodded. I was ready, for the first time since I had got pregnant. My parents love me so hopefully telling them I am pregnant won't change our relationship too much. It is a lot easier to tell them that than to tell them that I am pregnant anyway.

We got in Puck's car which he had finally had repaired. I told him not to bother about it because we needed the money for the baby but he insisted, saying that he didn't want me walking everywhere now he knew that I was 5 months pregnant. I was shaking for the whole journey.  
"You nervous?"

"A little" I answered honestly. I had had this conversation planned out in my head for ages, now it was time to face the music.

We pulled up at my house. I could see through the open window that they were just about to serve dinner. Puck opened the car door for me and we walked together into the house.

"Mom… I'm home" I said as I unlocked the door.  
"Oh Hi baby" She turned around from where she was putting out the food. "Puck… well this is a surprise. Are you staying for dinner?" She asked.

"I would love to Mrs Lopez, but only if you have enough"

"Of course we do sweetheart, come and sit down"

I looked at Puck anxiously and we both sat down at the table. During dinner we talked about how our day had been. We had purposely left the bags in the car as there was only one shop in the Lima Mall that sold baby and maternity clothes so if she saw them there wouldn't be a chance to even talk about this.

"Can we talk to you mom?" I asked carefully

"Sure sweetheart" she turned from the washing up to face me. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You might want to sit down".

She looked at me questioningly but we followed her to the lounge where my father was already sitting.

"I have wanted to tell you this for a while" I started "But I just haven't found a way how. So before you jump down my throat please can you hear me out?"

"Santana... where is this going?" My father asked me angrily"

"I'm Pregnant" I didn't look them in the eyes; I couldn't look them in the eyes. After a very long silence I looked up. My Mom looked shocked, My Father looked anger, Puck just looked worried. "Please say something…"

My Father faced Puck. "You did this!" He was very angry "My daughter was perfect and then you come along! I told Gloria that you would be no good for her, but Santana insisted that she be able to date you and then this happens!"

"Daddy…." I cried. "This isn't his fault"

"It is definitely his fault" He shouted.

"Puck I think it would be best if you left" My mom said.

He looked at me, kissed my cheek and stood up ready to leave when I stopped him.

"NO! We're going to talk about this, as a family. If he leaves, then so am I!" I didn't know what had gotten over me. Well no, I did know what had happened. They hadn't given the chance to explain and it wasn't fair.

"Fine!" My dad yelled back at me "Go! But don't come crying to me when you have nowhere to stay, when you have no money!"

So I stood up and ran outside. Puck followed me. From the outside of my bedroom, there is an easy way to climb in to get my things. I hadn't used it since I had become pregnant though, and in the state I was in now, it probably wouldn't be the best time to try it. Puck told me he would go up and fetch my things while I waited in the car. I agreed and sat in the car waiting.

_**Santana's POV {next month}**_

I was now 6 months pregnant and the whole school knew. Quinn and Britney had told everyone after about of week of them knowing. Well what great friends they had been. I have been staying at Puck's house ever since my parents flipped out about everything. I didn't know what I had expected to happen, but it definitely wasn't that.

It was Monday, and I had English. ON the way to English, everyone was staring at me. You would have thought I would have gotten used to it because people always used to stare at me, but this was different. People used to stare at me with so much admiration but now, I got dirty looks wherever I want. Even some of the teachers gave me dirty looks, either that or sympathetic looks. I didn't want sympathy, I just wanted people to see me as the normal me. Hah, as if that would ever happen.

When I got to English the teacher was putting us in pairs for a class assignment. When I got there, there weren't many people left for him to put me with. But guess who he put me with. Just guess. Yep you got it, Rachel.

I and Rachel hadn't talked since we had broken up; well I guess you can call it that. We both sat down at a desk in silence. This was beyond awkward.

"How have you been" she finally broke the silence by asking me.

"Alright" I smiled at her.

"I have missed you, you know" she smiled but then shrugged "I guess we just weren't meant to be."

I didn't know what to say, I hadn't expected her to say anything about what used to be of us. "I-I miss you too" I avoided her eye contact. "How's it going with you and Finn?"

"It's been going good" She nodded, but I could tell she was lying.

"Really?" I questioned her.

She laughed "No, he's an awful kisser" we both laughed. "I don't feel as good with him as I did with you. I think I'm going to end it with him"

"Well you deserve to be happy Rach, and I'm tired of us not being friends. We should hang out again sometime. I could do with some friends right now."

She looked at me right in the eyes. "Santana….." she stopped. "I can't. You hurt me a lot when you got pregnant, I don't think I can just go back to us being friends."

"Rachel…It's been 6 months, when are you going to forgive me!"

"I have forgiven you, but I just can't hang out with you and pretend I'm okay with you being with him, with a baby and us just being friends. Because I'm not okay with it, I love you and you have feelings for me even if you don't want to admit it to anyone, or yourself."

**I made this chapter a little longer than the others. I hope you enjoyed it and I will put the next one up ASAP**


	7. The Diary

Rachel's POV

We worked in silence for the rest of the lesson, it was beyond awkward. I wondered if I should have said that, I mean she has been through a lot recently and it probably didn't help. But then I thought, I've been through a lot too. Okay maybe not as much as she has, I mean I'm not pregnant, but I have had to watch the one person I love be with someone else. And that's hard.

The next day I told Finn I didn't think that we were meant to be. He asked a few questions but then let it go. Finn didn't make me happy, and he wasn't the right person for me. I didn't think any of the guys in the school were, only her. I needed to forget about her now though because she had made her mind up on what she wanted, and it wasn't me so until she realised how much she loved me, I would stay away, stay single. I'm good at waiting; I've had to do it for a while now.

Santana didn't make an effort to talk to me after our brief interaction. I wasn't surprised, I had been harsh but it's what she needed to hear, maybe now she would be honest to herself about us for the first time ever. I should probably talk to my dad's about this. They would be supporting I was sure, they won't care if I was gay or straight or bi or anything because they love me. I suppose I'm quite lucky that way. I don't know how I would deal with it if my parents resented me for being gay.

Santana's POV (6 ½ months pregnant)

The conversation with Rachel I had had last week had really broken my heart. Whenever I thought about her saying she didn't even want to be friends with me I wanted to burst into tears. I knew that I needed to talk to her because I think I have realised for the first time that I can't be without her.

I didn't know what I was going to tell Puck. I was due to have a baby in 2 ½ months and I was planning on breaking up with the father of that baby. It would look very suspicious. No I can't do this! Not yet! Not when I'm about to have a baby.

I was about to go to town after my doctor's appointment when I got a very strange text from Puck.

'Come home. NOW!'

I called over a cab and told it to go to my new home. I was worried now, what if something had happened to Puck or to his little sister. No, I'm sure everything is going to be fine. When the cab pulled up outside the house everything appeared to be normal. I went upstairs into our room and saw that Puck was holding a pink notebook. My diary?

"I went back to your house to collect some more of your things. I empty them out and I found this" I held up my diary. I hadn't used it in a while but I had written all about me and Rachel in it and how I was only using Puck to hide the fact I was gay.

I couldn't breathe. "Di- Did- Did you read that" I stuttered.

He threw the diary on the floor. He didn't say anything but he didn't need too. He was furious; I had never seen him so angry.

"You have been using me this whole time!" he yelled at me. I backed away into a corner. "I knew that you were secretly friends with Rachel, I worked that out a long time ago but all this time you have been making out with her."

"Puck-"I tried to interrupt him.

"So I have packed everything away. You're moving out tonight. I want nothing to do with you or that baby or anything, ever again. Are we clear?"

"Puck-"I tried again but he still wouldn't let me.

"Get out of the house NOW!"

Struggling with the pain, I walked outside the house where I found all my belongings and the babies had been thrown out the window and were now scattered over the porch. I managed to drag all the bags onto the end of Puck's street before I collapsed on the floor.

I got out my cell and dialled a number I hadn't dialled in a while but it was still so familiar to me. She picked up within the first ring.

"Santana?"

"Rachel… I… need….your…..help…." I said between breathes.

She sounded puzzled "What do you want?" she asked.

"Puck he found out about us." The pain was getting closer and closer together now, but it was bearable.

"What did he say?"

"Look that doesn't matter. Can you pick me up please? I think I'm having the baby"

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's not very long but I wanted to get another one up because I have failed with chapters recently. I'm writing chapter 8 now :)**


	8. The Baby

**I'm sorry for not posting, but after we broke up for Christmas, I was too lazy to write a post. I also had writers block, so sorry if this chapter isn't the best.**

Santana's POV

Time seemed to pass so slowly. I texted my mom to tell her that I was in a lot of pain and that I needed her help. I didn't think that she would reply, but at least I had tried. I contemplated texting Puck, but I decided not to until I found what was happening. I didn't want to see him, especially with Rachel, when it may be unnecessary, and he had made it clear that he didn't want to be involved in the baby's life.

Rachel pulled up in her car about 20 minutes after I called her. It's good she wasn't any later as I don't know how long I could have sat there for. She helped me into her car, and then started to load my things into the bunk. After she had finished, she sat in the driver's seat and started on the road to the hospital.

She didn't ask me any questions, which I was grateful for. I wasn't ready to tell her what had happened with Noah. We pulled up at the hospital and were taken into a room so I could be assessed. Before I knew it, I was being taken into a delivery room and being strapped up to machines to measure the babies heart beat and breathing rate.

It was all scary, especially because it was all happening too fast. I wasn't ready to have a baby, I was supposed to have another 2 ½ months to prepare. I didn't have a house, I had no income. Nothing. I started crying but the nurses assured me that everything would be okay.

I was in so much pain, Rachel tried her hardest to distract me but it was no use. I wanted an epidural, but I was only 3 centimetres dilated. I knew that I should tell Puck what was happening but I didn't know how. In the end, Rachel called him on my phone, but he didn't answer so she left a message. I didn't know if he would come, and frankly at that point I didn't care. I just wanted this baby out and in perfect health. I would worry about the rest later.

After a gruelling 11 hours, I was finally ready to push. Noah still hadn't come and although I was hurt- not for me but for the baby- I tried to push it to the back of my mind.

"Push" the nurses around me yelled. They counted to ten while I pushed as hard as I could, then I had to wait for the next contraction. Rachel held my hand so I could squeeze it.

"I can see the head" my midwife said "nearly there Santana. Come on, one big push"

I pushed as hard as I could and then heard a cry. Finally, I had done it. I had my baby girl. The cord was cut and she was placed on my chest.

"Hi" I said between breaths. She was beautiful. The most beautiful baby ever. But I suppose all mothers say that.

"What are you going to call her?" Rachel asked me.

"Well I liked the name Daniella, but Puck wanted to call her Nevaeh, like Heaven backwards but I wasn't so sure."

"I like the name Daniella. It's easy to shorten; everyone knows how to spell it." I nodded. I looked at her face, and I knew that Danielle was right. It suited her.  
"Daniella" I smiled at her, and she smiled back, her little dimples made me want to cry.

I was exhausted, as was Rachel because we had both been up all night and it was now 4:30 am. Rachel slept on the sofa, and the nurse took Daniella to an incubator as although she seemed healthy, she was 2 ½ months premature.

I was awoken to the sound of the door creaking open. Looking up, I saw the face of the person that I really didn't want to be talking to at this moment in time. Puck. I looked over at Rachel and saw that she was also awake

"I'm going to grab us a coffee" she said as she walked past Puck and towards the door. I knew that she was going to give us time to talk, but that was exactly what I didn't want.

"Hi..." I said cautiously. He didn't reply but continued looking around the room.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"She got taken away to another ward so she could be examined. They'll bring her back later if she is healthy". He didn't say anything but I knew that we needed to talk about what had happened yesterday. "Are you okay?" I asked him.

He just laughed, not saying anything for a while until he finally said "Okay?" I didn't know if he was expecting me to say something, but before I could he carried on talking. "Santana, I found out that my girlfriend was sleeping around with another girl, while she was carrying my baby! I'm anything but okay! I cared about you."

"Puck, I tried to tell you, I did. But I knew that you would act…" I waved my hands around in the air "Like this!"

"How do you expect me to ask Santana?!" he asked me though I knew he didn't want me to say anything. "Did you really expect me to think, 'Hey that's cool, I'm dating a lesbian who happens to be pregnant with my child but she doesn't play for my team'" he rolled his eyes at me. "I may act like a badass, but I do have feelings deep down."

Before I could say anything, the door opened again, taking me of track. I expected it to be Rachel but it was actually a nurse. "I heard shouting, is everything okay?" she asked me. I nodded.

"Yeah everything is fine."

"Oh, is this the father?" she asked and I nodded again, not wanting to talk about it. "You'll both be happy to know that Daniella is healthy, which is surprising seeing how small you were. You will probably be able to take her home this afternoon. Do you want me to bring her in?"

Oh thank the Lord. I looked at the clock. It was 12:00pm. That wasn't long until I could take her home. "Yes please" I smiled and the nurse left the room.

We sat in silence for several minutes before it was finally broken by a knock on the door. "Come in" I yelled, thinking it was my baby girl, but it was Rachel. "Oh, Hi Rachel"

"Hi..." she said awkwardly, passing me a coffee. "I got you one to Puck, but I didn't know how you took it, so I guessed" She tried to smile, but he glared at her so she backed away. "I was just going to get my things and leave. Leave you too alone with Daniella. I'll see you la-"

"No." I interrupted her. "If he has a problem with you being here, he can leave, not you. Because you were the one, that stayed up all night with me and helped me through it, while he sat at home, not picking up my calls, not wanting to be a part of her life." He tried to interrupt me. "I don't know what's going to happen with me and Rachel, but all I know is that you're going to have to accept it because I need you Puck. I need you to help me with Daniella."

"I can't be around her" he pointed a finger at Rachel. You can bring Daniella round later. He slammed the door as he left.

**I tried my hardest with the whole giving birth thing. I'm only 14 and I only know what happens from tv shows like 16 and Pregnant, so I tried my hardest with everything. I'll try to be better with uploading chapters.**


	9. The Loss

**I'm not entirely sure what I think of this chapter but I was rubbish at posting, so I thought I would try and write more and better. **

**This chapter was re-posted, because there was an error that someone in the review pointed out to me.**

I sat on the hospital bed with Daniella sitting in her car seat to the right of me. I was alone. That was it; I had lost everyone that had ever cared for me. I thought I would be okay with Puck, pretending that Rachel had never happened. But I lost him. I thought I would be okay with Rachel, but I lost her earlier this afternoon. My parents hated me, I had no friends. People feared me before, but I wasn't sure if they really liked me, just respected me. The only thing I had in life was this beautiful baby girl that was smiling up at me. I had to be strong, if not for myself, but for her.

**Santana's POV (earlier today)**

_It was 1:30 and the doctor had decided to have one more check-up on Daniella before I took her home. I say home, but I don't have one anymore. _

"_Rachel…" _

"_Yeah" _

"_Can I ask you something?" she nodded. I didn't ask her right away but thought about what I was about to ask, it was really cheeky of me, but I had to ask, what other choice to I have? "Is there any chance I can stay with you? Just for a little while. I need to sort somewhere to stay and at the moment I have nowhere."_

_She looked at me with a pained expression on her face. "Look Santana..." she trailed off. "I stayed with you because it was the right thing to do. You were alone, in labour. Even you don't deserve that. But I can't just have you move into my house. My dad's would never allow it and we don't even have room."_

"_It would only be for a little while, only a couple of nights. I could sleep on the couch? I just really need-"_

"_Santana let me finish!" she interrupted me. "You need to sort your life out." She said bluntly. "It's a mess. That little girl is going to depend on you for everything; you need to make sure you give her everything"_

"_Are you saying that I won't be a good mom?" I was furious. What right did she have to tell me that I was not fit to raise my child?_

"_No that's not what I'm saying; it's what you're hearing. What I'm trying to tell you is that, we can't do this anymore"_

"_But…. You told me that I needed to admit to myself how I felt about you, and I think that I have." She rolled her eyes and looked away. "Rachel, I love you" she still wasn't looking at me. "It was always you; I just wasn't ready to see it. You were right, everything you said was right. I was stupid, I was a bitch. Why can't you see that I've changed!?"_

"_Because I don't think that you have! You only ever think about yourself. Am I supposed to believe that after a few weeks, you've realised everything wrong you've ever done and that you've changed into a better person. Because I don't believe that." She waited for me to say something but I was taken aback, I'd never expected her to be like this. "I didn't want to do this now, not after you've just had a baby but…. I don't want to be with you Santana. You're not good for me. I don't want to have to raise a baby that isn't mine when I'm only just a child myself." She picked up her bag. "I should go"_

"_So you're just going to leave me here. Rachel I've lost everything, I don't want to lose you too" A tear run down my face._

"_You already have." She carried on walking towards the door, not looking back. _

_I had a little cry. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I realised how much I had changed. The old me would never have been crying over Rachel Berry. I never cried in front of anyone, especially not in a public place. Rachel was right, the old me was a bitch, but I missed her. It was easier to be the old me. I never cared what anyone said about me. I had turned off my emotions which made life a lot easier. But I couldn't just go back to being that girl. That girl didn't have a baby. That girl had somewhere to stay. That girl was loved. That girl had everything, she just didn't realise…._

**Rachel's POV**

I didn't see Santana at school for the next couple of weeks. Not that I was really looking. I was fed up with everything at the minute and although what I had said to her was harsh, it was true. Luckily, Puck hadn't told anyone about me and Santana as far as I know which is quite good of him , considering what happened. I apologized to him personally but he just shrugged it off.

"I'm over it" was all he said but I knew he was lying. I have a knack for that. Santana always used to lie to me, so I learnt how to tell if people were lying.

I hope Puck is being nice to Santana, especially because she has Daniella. I don't know where she is staying, or even if she is still in Lima. Maybe I should ask Puck where she is staying, but then he might start to think we are together again and if they have sorted stuff out, I wouldn't want to interfere.

**Santana's POV**

When I left hospital that afternoon, I didn't have a clue what I was going to do. Of course, I couldn't tell the nurses this, as they would have never let me take her if I did. I had 5 sibling's altogether, 4 boys, 1 girl. Gabriela was the oldest but I didn't know her very well, she was 27, so she was always a lot older than me. She moved out when she was 19, married a rich estate agent and they are 2 kids. She's there perfect daughter. Then there is Santiago and Benjamin. They are twins and are 21. I never really got on with Santiago and besides he had moved far away last year. I loved Benjamin and he would have been my first choice but he was in college and lived in a shared house. I couldn't bring a baby up in one of them. The youngest child was Matias, but he still stayed with my parents because he was only 13. My only hope was Nicholas. He was 20 so had only just left High School but, he didn't go to college, but started his own business and lived with his wife Jade and there little baby Bentley.

He didn't live too far away so I would still be able to go to McKinley, and it was a big house so there would be room. I loved Nick, but I hadn't seen him since Bentley was born over a year ago. He didn't know I was pregnant, unless my parents had told him but I doubt that. They were a bit disappointed when they found out Jade was pregnant because he was still living at home. He didn't get kicked out though because he grew up and became a man and bought his own house.

It was about a 30 minute drive from the hospital to Nicholas' house. His car was on the drive so I hoped he would be in. I rang the doorbell twice and the second time, Jade opened the door. I had only met her once so I wasn't sure if she would remember me. I was carrying Daniella in her car seat so she was probably very confused even if she did remember me.

"Hi" I said. "I'm Santana, Nick's sister. Is he in?" I asked.

"Oh of course, Hi Santana, I'll go fetch him." She yelled his name and ran up the stairs. It was very hot outside, and I was worried Daniella would get sunburnt as there was no shade. I stepped inside the house and shut the door, hoping they wouldn't mind.

He came running down the stairs and yelled. "Hey sis, what's up" he turned the corner and then saw Daniella and looked taken aback. "Well then, a lot has gone on since I last saw you."

Jade followed him down the stairs with Bentley and we all sat on the sofa to talk.

"So what brings you here, I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Yeah, I know, I should've come round more but I've been… busy"

"Did Mom and Dad kick you out?"

"Yeah… How did you guess" I asked him.

"I remember what they were like when I got Jade pregnant. I wouldn't worry about them, they'll come around"

"Doubt it" I grumbled.

"They will, trust me, your there little girl. Who's the dad then?" I knew they were going to ask that.

"Noah…" I said awkwardly. I knew Nick hated Puck, he always had, something about a fight they had once upon a time.

"You mean Puck!" he shouted. Jade managed to calm him down. I didn't realise how angry he'd be. "He better sleep with his eyes open from now on!"

"Don't it was my fault as well, but we had an argument and I can't stay with him anymore…" I stopped, I didn't want to get into the argument now, and I didn't know how they would take it. "Is there any chance I can stay here until I sort some place out. I haven't got anywhere else to go." A tear ran down my face.

"Sure San, you can stay here as long as you want"

**A/N: This post is longer than usual but I had a lot I wanted to write about. I am planning to post a new chapter on Monday/Tuesday and Friday. So twice a week but sometimes there might only be one, depending on how much homework I have or what I am doing on the weekend. **

**Please leave reviews, I try to respond to the longer ones and I will always answer any questions you have. Thank you**

**Annie**


	10. The Return

**A/N: Sorry I've been ill.**

**2 Months later.**

Santana's POV

It had been 2 months since Daniella was born. I had had to go to the hospital 3 times a week for check up's on Daniella's health. Every day was the same now, I got up when Daniella cried, put her back to sleep, changed diapers, fed her. I could never go out because I couldn't afford a baby sitter. Luckily, Nick wasn't asking me to pay any rent, which I knew was super kind of him, but I would have to start back at school soon and then who would take care of Daniella.

Puck sees Daniella once a week. Sometimes he comes round, but only when Nick is out as they can't stand to be in the same room as each other. My Mom hasn't attempted to contact me ever since she kicked me out, even though I sent her messages telling her she could see Daniella. I decided that I was just go over there and try and talk to her. I hated not having a relationship with my mom, but I didn't know how she would react to seeing me with Daniella.

Rachel had come round once a couple of weeks after she had told me she didn't want us to be together. It was very short and she said that she was just passing through. She apologized for not letting me stay with her and gave me some work from the lessons I was missing. They still lay untouched on the desk in my room. She hasn't been round since.

I woke up early on Monday morning, today was the first day back at school since Daniella was born. I knew I would be far behind, but I had tried to do some work on my laptop when Daniella was sleeping. Daniella was going to stay at Puck's mom's house while I was at school and then we were going to my mom's house to try and sort things out. I was terrified about what everyone at school would say, and how they would act around me. I hoped that everything would be the same, but I doubted it.

I searched through my wardrobe, looking for something to wear. I had tried to work out every day so that my old clothes would fit me again, but when I tried to squeeze into my favourite pair of skinny jeans, I couldn't do the button up. Instead, I put on one of my favourite dresses, with some tights and flat black pumps. It was basic, but at least it didn't make me look fat.

I dress Daniella quickly then put her in her carrier. I pack nappies, baby food and a change of clothes for her and hope that Puck's mom has things like blankets and baby wipes.

It's 8:15 by the time I leave the house, and I know that I'm going to be late for school. They'll just have to deal with it. They don't understand how hard it is to get ready with a baby constantly crying and needing attention.

When I get to Puck's house, he has already left for school. We are just about on speaking terms so I suppose it avoids any awkward conversation. I'm surprised he didn't wait to see Ellie. He's great with her, and makes an amazing dad. It was the first time I had left Ellie and I was crying by the time I got back into my car.

I got to school at 9:45 which is 1 ½ hours late but no one really said anything even though I'd missed the first lesson and half of the second. My first lesson was Spanish, which should be a pretty easy lesson with Mr Schuester and I'm quite good at it. When I opened the door, everyone stared at me.

"Sorry I'm late Mr Shue" I took my seat next to Quinn silently, trying not to look at anyone. When I finally managed to pick up the courage to look up from the textbook that was in front of me, I realised that all eyes were on me. Mr Schuester gave us a speaking task to do and as I sit next to Quinn, she was my partner.

She didn't really talk to me, just read out some notes in Spanish from her book. We used to be best friends, do everything together but now, we barely talk. At the end of lesson Mr Shue gave me an enormous pile of work that I needed to catch up on. As if I would be able to do it with a new-born baby. Who was I superwomen?

By lunchtime, my bag was overspiling with sheets of work I needed to catch up on. I didn't realise that I would have missed so much. It was so much harder than I had imagined. I had wanted everything to go back to normal, but people didn't look at me the same anymore. No one knew why me and Puck weren't together, so I was grateful for Puck for keeping it a secret.

In the Cafeteria, I got really odd looks from everyone in the room. Usually I would sit with Puck, but now, I had no idea where to sit. Over in the far corner of the room, I saw Rachel on her own. Right, I would stride over there, full of confidence and sit down next to her. So what if they call me a loser. Nobody knows, I told myself over and over again.

"Hi" I said awkwardly… She looked up from the pasta she was eating and smiled at me. "Can I sit here?" I asked her.

She nodded and smiled. "Of course. How have you been?"

"Alright I suppose. It's been a hard day though." I opened my packed lunch and started to eat my sandwich.

We ate in silence, I didn't realise she was this serious about us not even being friends. I really missed spending time with her, and I thought my time at this school wouldn't be so bad if I got to see her every day. I had thought wrong.

**A/N: Okay so I am thinking I will only do one more chapter in high school, then do a major flash forward to when they have all graduated. It will just mean less pointless chapters and more pezberry. **


	11. The Goodbye

Rachel's POV (1 month later)

I sat in my room, contemplating how my summer vacation would be. I wasn't really doing anything, I would probably research collages that I wanted to apply to, sing at a few venues. I didn't really have many friends, apart from Kurt who was going to Paris for 3 weeks. I wondered if my senior year would be different, but I doubted it. I had gone through the whole of high school being the same ambitious girl that everyone laughed at. Well no, that's not exactly true. The end of my sophomore year was different and the beginning of my junior. That was when Santana Lopez had fallen in love with me. I would go to sleep at night, imagining me and her walking hand in hand down the corridors, sitting next to each other in class, going on real dates to the cinema without the fear that people would see and comment. But of course, I was only kidding myself, she was never up for that kind of relationship, we were in completely different worlds.

Santana's POV (End of Summer Vacation)

That was it, I had decided. I had been contemplating for my whole summer whether to leave McKinley or to stay. It was too far for me to drive every day and gas was expensive. Nobody would talk to me, not even Rachel. I wanted to make things up to her, but I knew we were at different stages in our life, I realised this now. I would have to talk to her, apologize for all the wrong things I have done. I'd apologized before but she didn't believe me, even though it was sincere. Maybe now, she will, or will she spit some remark back in my face like I would have done to her all those years ago.

Daniella was getting bigger and bigger, so I didn't have to go to the doctors as often. My mom had made it clear that they didn't want me in their life anymore which broke my heart at first but I dealt with it. I understood how much I had disappointed them but I didn't understand how they could hate me so much.

So, now I had decided that I would move to a different school nearer to Nic's house for my senior year. It would be hard, but I had always been good at making friends, so hopefully I wouldn't be as alone as I was now. There was thing I would miss for sure though, Rachel.

Rachel's POV

The first day of school, sigh. I had to make a good impression, this was my year, and this was my time to shine. I had been shopping and bought a gorgeous new outfit, I curled my hair and applied makeup. I looked completely different. I had been thinking for my whole summer that I was ready to move on with Santana. I would talk to her today and tell her that I forgive her for everything. It has been over a year, I can't keep holding onto what happened in the past when all I did everyday was think about her.

I drove to school and parked in the parking lot, I couldn't see her car so I waited outside on the benches for her to arrive. I must have looked stupid, sitting on my own outside while everyone else was laughing and talking to the friends. When the bell went, I figured that I must have just missed her, and went to my registration group. Again, she was nowhere to be found. When the teacher did the register, she didn't read out Santana's name. I started to panic. Where is she? Is she okay? Is Daniella okay?

The day went on and none of the teachers mentioned Santana until glee practice at the end of the day.

"It's a new year and as I'm sure you know by now we are one member down." Mr Shue said

"Wait... what..." I asked confused. "Where's Santana?"

"Didn't you hear" Puck said. "She's transferred schools; I'm surprised she didn't tell you Berry"

I was devastated. I thought this was my year, I thought everything would be okay. I was wrong.

Santana's POV

I usually loved the first day of school. Yeah summer was over which sucked, but I got to be top bitch again, see my friends every day and start cheerleading again. But no this year everything would be different. I knew though that I had to make a good impression. I had lost all my weight so all my old clothes fit me again which was good. I slipped on my high waisted shorts and thin knit crop sweater with a tank underneath. I had to say, I looked stunning.

Before I left, I dropped Daniella of a day care, crying as I drove away. Pull yourself together San, I told myself, you never cry and you can't have them seeing you like that on your first day.

I pulled up in the parking lot and looked around. It was a fairly small school, a lot smaller than McKinley. I was worried, because everyone knew each other and I didn't know anyone.

When the day started, I quickly made friends and even tried out for the school cheer team. The coach was really nice, and they only had practices one afternoon a week and Saturday mornings which was fine because she said I could bring Daniella. Most of the people in my classes knew that I had a baby because gossip travelled fast in that school.

It wasn't until I finished school, that I checked my phone. I had a missed call and a message from Rachel. Guess she wants to know where I've been. I did mean to call her, but I was worried that she wouldn't want to talk to me. I opened the message it read:

Will you meet me tonight at 7:00 at breadsticks? I don't know where you are, or why you moved but I want to talk. Let me know. Rach xoxo

I quickly replied to tell her yes.

~Later that evening~

I pulled up outside breadsticks. She was already here, I saw her car. I took Daniella out of her car seat and made my way into the restaurant. It was pretty empty, so it didn't take me long to find Rachel, she looked beautiful, her hair was in loose curls and she was wearing a beautiful pink dress with white sandals. I made my way over to the table and sat down opposite.

"Hi" I said

"Hey" She replied smiling.

"I'm sorry... I should have texted you I just…. I didn't know how to start."

She shook her head, "No, it's fine don't worry."

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Us" she replied blankly "I want to be with you Santana, I forgive you for everything that happened everything. You can come and stay with me and my dad's, and come back to McKinley. You don't have to move away, to leave. We can start a family together. Me you and Daniella"

I hadn't expected her to say this "Rachel…"

"No, I mean it San. I miss you like terrible. I told myself every day that this relationship wasn't right, but it was no use. All I could think about was you"

I was quiet for a while "Rachel I can't"

She looked taken aback. "Have you met someone else" she managed to stutter out.

"Not that's not it…"

"Then what is it? I thought you loved me and wanted to be with me…?" she looked hurt, and confused.

I sighed. This was going to be hard, because she was right, I did love her but I couldn't be with her, she deserved better. "Rachel, you deserve so much better than me. I'm not ready for another relationship, not just with you but with anyone. I need to work out who I am before I can be with you. It wouldn't be fair for me to be with you when, I wouldn't be able to do it openly."

"I don't care anymore San, I just want to be with you"

"But I care Rach. So…" I took a deep breath. "I want you to move on, to try and forget about me, because I'm not coming back to Lima."

"So that's it, after everything we've been through you're just going to leave."

"It's the best thing for me and Daniella. You'll be okay, I know you will" She sniffled fighting back the tears; I was finding it hard to cry to. "Just remember, I'll always love you the most" I leant over the table and gave her one last kiss before I picked up Daniella and left the restaurant.

**The next chapter will be set 2or3 years later :O **

**I have it all planned don't worry. I'm thinking there will be 20 chapters but maybe a bit less. I know what I want to happen it's just writing it down. I will try and finish the story before April but we all know how rubbish I am with uploading chapters so we'll see.**


	12. The Reunion (2 Years Later)

**A/N: Look at me, on a roll. 2 chapters up in one week! As I said earlier, I want to get this finished so expect more chapters coming soon.**

2 years later….

**Rachel's POV**

When I was sitting in the glee club choir room telling the school about my ambition to be on Broadway, I didn't think that I would ever be working in restaurant, serving guys that are too drunk to walk. At least I was here, in New York, was the only thing I could say to myself to make it feel better. When I had failed my Nyada audition I was devastated but you could reapply in the winter so all I had to do was wait until then.

It was a normal Sunday afternoon, couples and families came in and out making me feel even lonelier in the big city. I went over with my notepad to serve a group of people who had just come in.

"Rachel?" A girl said to me, making me look away from my notepad that I was scribbling in and to the girl sitting at the table to the left of me.

"Omg?" I said shocked "Santana?" I couldn't believe I was seeing her after all this time. "OMG? How are you?" I asked stunned.

"I'm good thank you. Daniella, say Hi to Rachel"

I looked at the little girl sitting next to Santana as she smiled at me.

"Hi" she said nervously

"Hi Daniella." I turned to Santana "Gosh, she's so big, how old is she now?" I asked her.

"She'll be 3 in a few months"

"Wow" How time had flown, it only seemed like yesterday that I had watched Santana give birth to her, and now she was just about to start Kindergarten.

"Rachel" my boss yelled at me "Get back to work"

"I better go but here…" I ripped some paper of my notepad and scribbled down my address. "Pop in whenever and we can have a chat"

**Santana's POV**

In my hand, I held the piece of paper with Rachel's address. It had been a week since I had seen her in the restaurant and I was dying to see her again. I knocked on her apartment door and waited for her to answer.

"One Second" someone yelled from inside the apartment. A man opened the door.

"Oh…sorry I must have the wrong door…" I shuffled back. "I'm looking for Rachel Berry?"

"No this is the place, I'm Jesse, Rachel's fiancé" I was taken aback, Rachel was engaged, to a man? "Come in, I'll go get her"

I stood awkwardly in the apartment until Rachel finally came from one of the rooms.

"Santana, hi" She gave me a hug. "Where's Daniella?" she asked me

"Oh she's at Day-care"

"Oh of course" she gestured towards the couch. "Come on, sit, Jesse was just heading out to work"

"Have a great day sweetie" he came over and kissed her on the cheek before heading out of the door. I was surprised that I felt slightly jealous, even after all these years.

"So…Who's that?" I asked casually.

"That's my boyfrien… my fiancé Jesse." She smiled "We only got engaged a couple weeks ago, I'm still getting used to it"

"Awhh congratulations"

"Yeah" she blushed. "So…. Have you... met anyone new...?"

"Well I'm not with anyone at the minute but I came out at the end of my senior year"

"Really?! Omg Santana that's great!" She squeezed my hand tight. "I'm so happy for you."

"Does… does Jesse know?"

She shifted awkwardly in her seat "What about?"

"About you? About us? Did you come out?" I knew that she hadn't, I could tell, I already knew that she wasn't a lesbian, she was bi, and she made that very clear when we started hanging out.

"Well… no not really."

That meant no then, just as I had expected. "Anyways..." I changed the subject, "I'm really happy for you, when's the wedding?"

"End of November" That was only a few months away "You should come?"

"Why such a hurry?"

"Well, if everything goes to plan, I'll start school in January, and I want everything to be settled by then. Speaking of school..." She changed the subject "Are you in one? What are you doing in New York?"

"I moved with Daniella a little while after I finished school. Lima bored me; everyone knew my story, judged me. Here I'm nobody, I like that."

"You like being a nobody?"

"Well for the time being I do but, I got a modelling job with Vogue, so I don't plan on being a nobody for that long" We laughed "What about you then, Miss Rachel Berry, how did you end up in a lousy old restaurant pulling pints for drunken guys? I didn't think that was your style?"

"It isn't." She sighed "I auditioned for Nyada at the end of my senior year but I failed my audition, so I'm trying again in December, so fingers crossed"

I looked down at the cushion I was sitting on; I recognized it "Rachel…"

"Yeh?" she asked not really paying attention to what I was looking at as she answered a text message.

"Is this the cushion that I made for you in textiles that one year?"

She looked at it "Yeah. Yeah it is"

"I can't believe you still have that!" I picked it up and looked at the badly sown heart on the white fabric. "I miss those times" I said, still looking at the cushion, not daring to look at her response.

She didn't say anything for a minute "Santana"…. I didn't give her a chance to reply, I just lifted my head up so that my eyes were in line with hers, and carefully kissed her lips. I gave her chance to pull away, she didn't. It reminded me of the first time she kissed me, in the locker room, before we had any idea of what our relationship was going to turn into. She backed away after a while and before she had chance to say anything, I picked up my bag and left the building.


	13. The Phone Call

Santana's POV

After a long day modelling, it felt good to finally lie down on the bed. Daniella climbed up next to me and lay down next to me.

"Are you okay mommy?" she whispered in my ear

"Of course I am" I lied and tickled her under her arms and she giggled.

"I love you mommy" she said when I had stopped. She did her little smile which always made my heart melt

"I love you too Ellie" she wrapped her little arms around my waist before jumping up of the bed.

"Can I watch TV before dinner?" she begged with her puppy eyes.

Usually I didn't like her watching too much TV, but I gave in tonight. "Go on then" she ran out the room smiling.

The truth was, I wasn't okay. The kiss with Rachel had reminded me of how we used to be, before I was pregnant; the hiding, the sneaking around. I had never stopped loving her; I just had put it to the back of my mind for so long, I almost started to believe that I didn't. I wanted her back, and when I wanted something, I didn't stop until I got it.

…

Rachel's POV

I felt so guilty when Jesse came home that day. I tried to act like everything was normal but all I could think about was Santana. I didn't know how Santana had hidden it from Puck all those years ago. Maybe it was because she didn't really love him that she didn't have trouble lying to him but I loved Jesse and I was marrying him soon, I couldn't let this go any further. But in the back of mind, I was thinking about kissing her and deep down, I knew things weren't going to be that simple.

Today was the day I was shopping for my wedding dress. I didn't have many friends here, so I had only invited Kurt so far but I really wanted someone else's opinion. I had thought about asking Santana but I didn't think she would come; I couldn't be stood up by her again. Anyway, I had only just met up with her again for the first time in years; she probably wouldn't want to come. As I thought about her in the changing rooms while I tried on my dress, memories flooded back of our times in the shopping mall together, late at night, the time when most other people had gone home, so we wouldn't be seen. Even then, she wouldn't hold my hand, just in case we turned a corner in our terribly small mall, and happened to come across someone she vaguely knew.

Those were the bad points, but there were also lots of good points too. She made me feel like the most important person in the world when we were together. We would chat on the phone for hours, and never run out of things to talk about. She was there to cheer me up when I was upset, and she always knew the right things to say. When I was with her, nothing else mattered. I didn't even care that no one else knew because I knew that what we had was special. I loved her very much, I just wished things had turned out differently, and then maybe she would be at the end of the aisle and not Jesse.

Santana's POV

I had decided to call Rachel. We weren't in high school anymore, there was no point hiding my feelings and pretending it had never happened. She had kissed me back, she must have felt something. Well, this is what I was telling myself to persuade me to pick up the phone and dial the number that I still remember off by heart.

She must have been near the phone as she answered on the first ring. I was hoping it would go to voicemail as it would be easier to leave a message.

"Hi..." I said awkwardly. Why did all our conversations seem to start this way, why couldn't I pick up the phone confidently like I did with everyone else? Why did she make me a different person?

"Hi Santana" she sounded happy that I had called.

"I thought we should talk about..."

"Yeah, we should. I did mean to call you but, after you ran out, I didn't know how."

"I know you're engaged, and that you're getting married in a few months, but I have to be honest. That is where we failed last time. I wasn't honest about my feelings, I wasn't honest to other people, and I wasn't honest to myself. But this time, I'm going to live my life right. "She remained silent, listening. I took a deep breath, "And I know that you thought, or maybe you still do think, that you're better off without me but you're not. You're just trying to convince yourself that you are, I know how that feels, I've been there. Trying to pretend that it was nothing, but it was something. You can try and convince yourself it was just a kiss, but I know it was more than that. I feel like it was fate that we were supposed to find each other again in that restaurant and-"

"Santana, I'm engaged. You have to move on" she finally interrupted me.

"No!" I shouted down the phone. "We had something, and I ruined it. I can't give up on you!" I was nearly crying now. "I was too scared but I'm not now, you know you feel something too. You felt something when I kissed you, or you wouldn't have kissed me back, so don't pretend that you felt nothing."

"I'm not saying that. We kissed, yes. And it felt good, yes. But, I've moved on in my life, I'm not that high school girl that will run back to you no matter what you say to me"

"Rachel, I still love you, okay. I'm not giving up on you this time. I'm going to get you back, no matter what it takes."

I may have been imagining things, but I could have sworn I heard a voice whisper 'I love you too' before I ended the call.

**A/N: Not even sure if I like this chapter yet… I just wanted to get one up. Please leave reviews. Oh and sorry for grammar errors if there are any, I'm trying my hardest.**


	14. The Wedding

Rachel's POV

This was it, the moment I had been waiting for my entire life. My wedding day. When I was a little girl, I had never thought I would be getting married so young. It had been my ambition, for ever since I could remember, to become a Broadway star, and win a bunch of Tony's, before I settled down and got married. But, you can't plan your life, I know that now. Even though I had been planning for weeks, all I could think about was that last phone call with Santana. I knew that I needed to push it to the back of my head, and focus on my future with Jesse but somehow, I just couldn't.

I was sitting in the dressing room, in my bathrobe, my hair tied up in a towel with someone applying Mac eye shadow onto my eyelids. I could feel my hands shaking, and everyone thought it was just nerves for the wedding, which it was in a way, I was just worried, and scared that I may be making the worst decision of my life.

Santana's POV

It was Sunday morning, the day of the wedding. It had come far too soon. I hadn't decided for a long time if I was actually going to go, and even if I did go, how I would act around her and Jesse, especially after, at the reception, seeing them all lovey dovey made me want to puke. In the end though, I had decided that as Rachel's friend, I had to go, for her, even though deep down I had different intensions than being there to support her. I told her I was going to get her back, and I never go back on my word.

Although it was only 9:00am, I decided to get ready early. I needed to look beautiful, even though it was Rachel's big day and I didn't want to take the attention off of her. As I was applying my makeup, my phone buzzed from across the room. I put down my brush, and went over to it. It was from Rachel.

To Santana:  
Are you coming today? Xo

I quickly replied back saying that I would miss a chance to see her beautiful face, but I didn't get another reply. She knows that I love her, I've told her. But she has said she doesn't love me back, so as her friend I should support her, and be happy she has found someone that she does love. But, as her friend, I can tell when she isn't being truthful with me, and I know that she doesn't love Jesse; she is just too scared to admit it.

About an hour before the wedding is about to start, I get another text, this time, from Puck.

To Santana:

I'll be at the wedding today. Do you want me to pick you up?

This surprised me a little; I didn't even think for a second that Puck would be attending the wedding. Every so often he came to New York to visit Daniella, but he was busy in California so his trips were infrequent. I replied telling him that I would love for him to pick me up, and he told me he would be there in 10. Right, now it was time to get Daniella dressed, and then I would have to go.

….

The wedding location was beautiful. It was about a 45 minutes' drive away from my flat and when we got there most of the seats were taken. We took two seats at the back and waited.

"Are you sure you're okay with this…" Puck asked me.

"What do you mean" did he mean about us sitting together… I wasn't that immature.

"About the wedding, I know you and Rachel had-"I shushed him before he could carry on.

"Of course I'm okay. Yeh we had a… a… thing" I whispered the word "But that was years ago, we've both moved on since then" I lied. Well, she may have moved on, but I haven't. "Look, I'm going to see Rachel before the ceremony." I lifted Daniella up off my lap and place her on Pucks. "I'll be back in a minute."

The wedding ceremony was to be held outside, but behind, there was a huge building where the reception would be. I made my way over to there. Rachel only had a couple of bridesmaids, her little niece, her cousin and Kurt, who was her maid of honar.

"Santana, you shouldn't be in here" Kurt said as I opened the door.

"Whatever, I need to talk to Rachel" I tried to barge past him but he wouldn't let me.

I saw Rachel from behind him. "Kurt, its fine, let me talk to her"

He stepped aside and Rachel came out and shut the door. She looked stunning, in her beautiful white dress.

"You look amazing" I told her and she faked a smile, but she wasn't meeting my eyes.

"Are you here to tell me what a mistake I'm making" There was a tear running down her eye.

"No, actually I was here to wish you good luck. I haven't seen you in a while" she looked up, her face showed confusion.

"You're not a very good liar" she laughed a little as she wiped her eye.

"Neither are you" I walked closer towards her. "I know you don't love Jesse and-"she cut me off.

"Santana, please don't" she begged, but she needed to hear it, one last time.

"I love you Rachel, I'm never going to stop loving you. So if you look me in my eyes right now, and tell me you feel absolutely nothing for me, then I'll leave and I won't bother you again"

She squeezed her eyes tight.

"Just what I thought" I said after I waited with no answer. "You're scared; you're so scared of what it means to be in love with me, that you won't admit it to yourself." She was avoiding my eye contact again. "Please say something!" I was nearly yelling now.

"What difference would it make" she faced me now, and there were tears running down her face. "I'm standing here in my wedding dress, about to marry my fiancé, what do you expect me to do"

"TO BE HONEST WITH ME" I shouted, she looked taken aback.

"Just like you were with me" she retorted sarcastically.

"You don't understand do you? You don't understand how much you mean to me." She stayed silent. "Please" I said calmly, with tears running down my face "Please say you love me back" She didn't say anything "You're such a coward" I was about to turn away.

"I STILL LOVE YOU OKAY!" it was her turn to shout now.

"Rachel" said a voice behind her, it was Kurt. He looked at me, glaring and then back to Rachel. "It's time to start" he came over with a tissue and started trying to fix her makeup.

"Please don't do this Rachel" I said as she walked away "Please…" The door slammed shut, and I was left alone, the only thing that could be heard, was the sniffles from my crying.

_**A/N: Hopefully have the final chapter up later in the week. Don't really know if I like this, but I have had no inspiration of what to write **____** Please leave reviews. Oh and sorry this is sooo late! I've got soooo many exams coming up so I have been revising**_


	15. The Apology

I had been 3 weeks since I had seen Rachel. The wedding had been called off and she had left before I could find her. I went to her apartment, but no one was there. I called her cell 3 times a day, but it was turned off. I just needed to talk to her; I couldn't leave things like that. I had decided that I would go to her parents' house, I had the address from a long time ago, and I hoped they still lived in the same house. I pulled up in my car and knocked on the door, Leroy answered straight away.

"Santana" he smiled warmly "I'm guessing you're here for Rachel" he looked solemn.

"Yes, is she in?" I asked, obviously she had told him about what had happened between us.

"Well, no" he said surprised I had asked, "She's in the hospital" he was talking like it was obvious.

"Wait? What?!" what they hell was happening. "Is she okay" I started to panic.

"Did she..." it was his turn to look shocked "Did she not tell you?"

I shook my head "Tell me what" I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible.

"Santana... Rachel has Leukaemia" Leroy's eyes were watering as were mine. "She's stopped responding to treatment"

Just at that moment the phone rang. Leroy answered it and looked heartbroken as he talked to the person on the other end. "I'll be right there" he finally said and hung up. "I think you should come with me. That was the hospital"

I nodded "We can take my car"

When we arrived at the hospital we rushed to the ward that she was in. She had a private room and my heart broke when I saw her lying there in her bed. Her eyelids were fluttering, and it looked like it was a struggle for her to keep them open.

"Santana" she whispered happily as she saw me. I smiled and went over to her side. I pulled over a chair and sat next to her, holding her hand that still had light pink nail polish from her wedding day. Leroy and Hiram came in, both with red eyes but looked like they were trying to hide it from her. Hiram came over and whispered something in my ear that made me want to break down but I had to be strong for her.

"I'm so sorry Rachel, for everything. "

"I forgive you" her weak voice said.

"Is this why you didn't go to Nyada" It was all making sense to me now.

She managed a small nod "And why I married Jesse. I didn't want to die alone" A tear ran down her face.

"You've got me. You'll always have me. I'm not going to leave you, I'm going to stay with you all night" I lifted her hands up to my lips and kissed it. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her.

It took a while for her to respond. "I was scared" is all she managed to stay.

I brushed her hair behind her ear. "You don't need to be scared any more. I'm here now. "She smiles slightly. "I love you"

"I love you too" she whispers. Her eyelids flutter shut. The heart monitor starts beeping.

"Goodbye my star" Hiram says as Leroy kisses her cheek,

"Rachel" I say. "You can't" I shake my head "No. Rachel Please" I put my head in my hands and started crying. I had lost her; she had gone up to heaven with all the other angels. Even in death, she looked beautiful, the most beautiful person I had ever met.

It was so hard of me to walk out of the hospital that day. I couldn't believe that after all these years, all the breakups, the love, the longing; I had lost her again, but this time, forever. No. I would see her again, after this life had finished, I knew I would be with her. She would always be in my heart, for as long as I would live. I would always remember Miss Rachel Berry, an ambitious Broadway wannabe who I came to love so much.

I pulled out my diary and started to write

I cannot say, and I will not say  
That Rachel is dead. She is just away.  
With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,  
she has wandered into an unknown land  
And left us dreaming how very fair  
it needs must be, since she lingers there.  
And you—oh you, who the wildest yearn  
for an old-time step, and the glad return,  
think of her faring on, as dear  
in the love of There as the love of Here.  
Think of him still as the same. I say,  
Rachel is not dead—she is just away.

**A/N: So I have finally finished this story. It took me so long to decide if I wanted it to end this way. I did at first but I kept changing my mind and ended up writing two endings. I may later upload the happy ending, so you can chose for yourself how you want it to end. But not for a while anyway, if you want me to let me know. **

**Also I just wanted to add that I have made a YouTube video which is sort of a trailer off this fanfiction. I have it linked on my page if you want to watch it. Btw the quote at the end isn't mine, it's from ****James Whitcomb Riley but I saw it and loved it. I had to change it a little as it said 'He' so I changed it to She.**

**Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed this fanfiction **


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